Blog
A Sense of Belonging Again
Finding happiness.
Six months ago I watched my daughters cry as we packed up their bedroom because they didn't want to leave. Leave their friends and a life they knew and loved.
Sometimes we sit in a sort of hopeless emptiness. It's uncomfortable and we wonder if we will ever feel a sense of belongings again.
Six months ago they couldn't see what their lives would look like. They couldn't imagine their new bedrooms or their new friends.
If they could have, I'm certain they would have begun this new adventure with a smile on their faces.
Six months later they have finally found their place again in the world. They have made good friends. They are comfortable. They belong.
If only we could have a little more faith. Faith in the universe and faith in ourselves. Faith to sit in that space and know it's going to get better.
So, next time you find yourself in that uncomfortable place just know that one day you will be doing something mundane like maybe having a shower or making a cup of tea and you will find yourself singing. And only in that moment you will know, without even realising it, you are happy again.
Winter
Everything has a season. Even humans.
Everything has a season. Even humans.
Winter is traditionally a time to hibernate. It's cold outside and our bodies naturally tell us it's time to slow down, curl up and nurture ourselves.
We are all so busy and life stops for no one but nature definitely has a lot of answer for in terms of how the seasons make us feel. Rumbling bellies need extra feeding, snotty noses need constant wiping, bedtimes need to be a little earlier and everyone seems a little more exhausted.
Sipping tea seems to be a favourite pastime of mine at the moment, that and napping. We usually have resting time in our house each afternoon. Archie has a nap and the older three busy themselves doing something quietly and I try to rest.
I feel like the idea of napping has really become tarnished. In a world where success is measured by how busy we are rest has become something for the lazy and unmotivated. However, is so so crucial. It certainly doesn't mean having to set aside 2 hours everyday to sleep (although that does sound like bliss!). Rest can be as simple as 20 mins just to rest your brain and your body. I find it helpful to lie down and focus on my breathing, trying to relax my limbs and shut out any noise the best I can (easier said than done with little people around I know).
Rest may mean something entirely different to you. Maybe it's reading a book or doing some gentle stretching or even just putting down your phone for a while.
Whatever rest means to you try to make it a priority everyday because Winter is the perfect time to recharge. Both your body and mind will thank you come Spring time.
You are enough
The fair of failure.
There is so much pressure on us to fail. As a parent, as a spouse, as a child. If you think about how you define that it's really hard, isn't it? Are we going to fail because we are not good at it, that we are going to do it really badly or are we simply lacking the confidence to succeed? The funny (not funny haha but funny ironic) thing is that we make all this stuff up in our heads. It's not real....and then we give up. Sound familiar?
And the vicious cycle continues. The fear of failure is working against you and preventing you from succeeding. Failing is not a bad thing though. Obviously this is how we grow, learn and ultimately become a better person. We put this pressure to fail on ourselves most of the time. A lot of our fears in life are completely unwarranted and we make them so much bigger in our heads than they actually are.
What are your biggest fears? spiders? earthquakes? a zombie apocalypse?
What about something a little more intangible like a fear of not being good enough?
Good enough as a person, a wife, a mother, an employee. Good enough at cooking, at sport, at drawing or your job. We constantly compare ourselves to others. Why do we do that?
This comparing stops us from doing things. Great things!. "Well I'm not even going to try and run up that hill because I know I won't be able to" and therefore we fail before we even begin and miss out on the amazing view at the top! Society puts a shit tonne of pressure on us too. We are told that success is about money, fame, fortune, instagram followers. These things define importance apparently. This diminishes our worth and over time our confidence. We are not like this as children, are we?! - well I know my 5 year old has buckets loads of confidence - more than enough for 62 grown adults! The only person your should be comparing yourself to is you. You can only measure your success against the yesterday you, right? "I'm going to run halfway up that hill today without stopping and tomorrow I'm to run a few more steps and a few more the day after until I run the entire way up".
This is success. Confidence, baby steps, a lot of failures along the way, picking ourselves up again, being kind to ourselves and trudging on when we think we cannot do it anymore. Success is completely up to us to define. All these outside influences (and social media influencers) are messing with us constantly which makes things hard but only you can decide what success means to you. One thing I am trying really hard to nurture in my children is both their confidence and their uniqueness. When they reach school age it becomes increasingly hard not to compare themselves to other which in turn knocks their confidence. I'm trying to instil the fact that failing is a part of life and is COMPLETELY OKAY but it's the getting back up and trying to succeed again that is the huge achievement. I read somewhere that if we aren't screwing up more than we are succeeding we are probably not trying hard enough. Pretty true I reckon and once we understand this life might become just that little bit easier.
Anyone got a foolproof way to stop comparing yourself to everyone else and stop pitting your successes against others? No? I haven't quite figured that one out yet either - but I'm getting there slowly. In the meantime we need to remember we are all on different paths. Each path as unique, successful and worthwhile as we are.
We are successful in our own way and in our own time. We are enough.
I'll say it again just in case you didn't hear.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.